I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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