She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
