He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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