It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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