i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
