There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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