Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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