No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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