I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
