Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
