you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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