I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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