I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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