i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize