so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
