even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
