Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
no, he came in my armpit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
