It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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