the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
