On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
