You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
