we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
