u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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