I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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