My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
