feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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