i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
