You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
