Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
