okay pat passed out under dana's car
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
