I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
