The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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