Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
