she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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