You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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