it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
