1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
