I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize