So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
