I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
