yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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