Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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