dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
