My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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