I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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