This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
