I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
