i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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