I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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