im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
