my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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