8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
