My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
