I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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