You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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