I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You ruined the universe
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
