You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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