That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
