You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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