That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
