Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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