It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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