I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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