We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
