the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
