it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
