I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
