Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
