The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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