I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
