you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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