My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
